Lack of Eye Contact is Not Lack of Attentiveness

This afternoon as Jon and I were struggling with answering questions for a proposal I turned to the children. They think outside the box and if you can translate what they are saying they sometimes have some incredible insights. Our oldest, 13, was playing WOW in the family room where Jon and I were brainstorming. Now bear in mind he's 13. It's an age of passive agression at its best. An age that isn't into contributing to the family collective at all. However we still engage him as an exercise in inclusion. When we were completing the NASA RFI for their new online game, he was asked to answer the questions as we brainstormed them. I'll save his responses for his adulthood when he can appreciate the fact that he was part of the process. But I digress. Today we asked for his input. We wanted his insight on new media. It was an interesting vignette. He sat at his computer, typing away, ear bud in one ear, talking to his mother pacing behind him. Not once did he make eye contact. Not once did he turn around. And I didn't expect it. You see my son is quite effective at multitasking and I don't question his attentiveness based on his body language.

Millennials don't operate in the same mind set we do. My son wasn't being rude because he wasn't making eye contact. It was a casual conversation and I didn't ask for his full attention. It wasn't needed. Lack of eye contact does not mean lack of attentiveness. Not stopping to focus entirely on a speaker isn't intended as rudeness. Its most likely multitasking. You may consider it rude, and perhaps in some ways it is, however it is the way millennials operate.

My mind was still in brainstorm mode so I figured I'd engage our eight year old in the discussion. New media isn't something she "gets" but a discussion on how a pretend movie called Pretty Pretty Princess might end up on Club Penguin made perfect sense to her. We discussed the issue for a bit and after some struggles with defining space she basically decided it would be best to have a county fair on club penguin that would showcase movies. While we had our discussion she was playing nintendogs on her DS and watching Icarly on Nickelodeon. She did make eye contact with me but only as I paced in front of the television screen. I figured special event programming to showcase new content seemed a pretty good idea for what we were discussing so I took the idea to Jon.

My daughter's behaviors aren't a great deal different than some of your new employees. As children they played video games, watched television and texted one another. Its a skill you'll come to appreciate. They juggle multiple prioritites really well. However, something has to give and that something is eye contact. Don't expect them to stop what they are doing to carry on a conversation with them. Don't be offended when the text while in a meeting. I've seen young people in ER with head injuries text faster than most of us oldies will ever hope to. If you want their attention ask for it. They won't be offended. Just remember being idle isn't in their nature so if your are asking for extended periods its akin to hearding cats or preschoolers.